My Starbucks - What Im learning is that to be open and honest is the only way because they surprise you all the time. Im really proud that, at 17, A will come and ask me about anything of that nature in a way that I never could have with my own mother. But there is always the inherent fear that I still may not have done enough…

JHS - Thank you for drawing that to my attention and I apologise if I have offended anyone with the rather thoughtless phrasing. Just being pulled up about it makes me assess what may have seemed like a negative attitude towards the possibility and I appreciate that greatly. I think your wording is spot on - ‘loved unconditionally whatever’ and I shall try to remember that should the subject come up again.

I have also noticed that my kids did go through a phase of using gay in that way and I have said to them that I dont like it. Trouble is, making too much of a fuss can lead to them doing it more just to annoy.

My preference would be to have parents simply say “I will love you no matter what you decide when you get older and think more about this subject” without adding “even if” you determine that you are, in fact, gay.

My kids have always known how their mother feels about these issues: I left organized religion in large part due to the homophobia and bigotry of the institutional church. I spend my professional life in pursuit of equal rights for all persons, including the right to marry the person of our choice irrespective of gender. So they know that if they are gay, straight, bisexual or transgendered, they will always be my kids — loved unconditionally and always welcome in this house without or without life partners.

For some reason, kids these says use the term “that’s so gay” in a pejorative sense. In fact, we even got a letter from my youngest’s high school about it. I immediately verified with the principal that my kid was not saying that. Both of my kids know NEVER to speak in that manner — in my presence or elsewhere.