British Parent Bloggers

An article by guest writer Joanna Cake 

 It was all over the media on Friday. Plans to introduce sexual and relationship education into the school curriculum from the age of four.

Listening to Newsbeat on Radio One that lunchtime, we heard from very young pupils who attend a rather progressive primary school in Norfolk where children are taught the correct names for their gynaecological parts. The ‘willy’ and the ‘peepee’ are no more.

And I wonder if this really is where a lot of the trouble starts. The reluctance of us, as parents, to address our bodies anatomically. All this obfuscation and confusion and secrecy. Refusal to address openly the subjects of masturbation, intercourse and different types of sexuality, other than in terms of innuendo and smut. Closing the door on such matters instead of bringing it all out of the closet so that no one feels odd in their own skin. Making things dirty instead of natural behaviour.

I think you are probably aware that I have done my best to be as open as possible with my children about anything and everything sexual. I have always wandered around naked in front of them. Never hidden my body or its natural functions. The toilet door was always open and questions were answered as and when they arose, hopefully in terms that were relevant to their age so they could grasp the concept without being frightened to death by the details.

It is my greatest regret that I have not been able to provide them with the best role model in terms of a proper tactile, loving relationship between their parents.

If having our children learn about sex in a scientific way from the earliest times can help to stop the sniggering, hole-in-corner, seaside postcard approach that prevails currently, then surely this is a good thing. As adults, we view anything relating to sex with such an immature, comedic attitude that it’s hardly surprising that there are children out there experimenting with intercourse at the age of 11 and getting pregnant before they are even 16. How can we expect them to come to us for advice as parents if we keep the subject firmly under the table at all times?

Yes, there will still be accidents. God knows, I am hardly going to start pontificating and pointing fingers but the information about what to do if the worst should happen should be readily available. The saddest thing I heard on the Newsbeat piece was the girl who had to be told what to do in terms of buying a pregnancy test and then going to her doctor or the nearest Marie Stopes/Brook Street by her local chemist because she was too frightened to go to her Mother and her friends didn’t have the knowledge to advise her when her period had not arrived and she was putting on weight.

I recall only too clearly a 14 year old girl I was at school with who got progressively fatter but refused to admit it could have anything to do with the sex she had had with one of the lads in our group. By the time her mother actually noticed that her trousers would no longer zip up, she was six months gone and she had no option but to continue and give birth. She kept the baby, married the father and they were miserable.

I also remember, at around the same time, one of the more promiscuous girls in my class telling me, whilst we were waiting in line to go into the gym, that she had had sex in the woods the previous evening but it was ok because she had done it standing up and had a wee behind a tree afterwards so she knew she wasn’t pregnant.

This was over 30 years ago but, listening to some of the tales today, it is quite clear that, in terms of sex education, the dissemination of knowledge has not progressed.

Anything that attempts to prevent us from continuing as a nation of judgemental, purse-lipped prudes with one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe has got to be a step in the right direction.