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 It was all over the media on Friday. Plans to introduce sexual and relationship education into the school curriculum from the age of four.

Listening to Newsbeat on Radio One that lunchtime, we heard from very young pupils who attend a rather progressive primary school in Norfolk where children are taught the correct names for their gynaecological parts. The ‘willy’ and the ‘peepee’ are no more.

And I wonder if this really is where a lot of the trouble starts. The reluctance of us, as parents, to address our bodies anatomically. All this obfuscation and confusion and secrecy. Refusal to address openly the subjects of masturbation, intercourse and different types of sexuality, other than in terms of innuendo and smut. Closing the door on such matters instead of bringing it all out of the closet so that no one feels odd in their own skin. Making things dirty instead of natural behaviour.

I think you are probably aware that I have done my best to be as open as possible with my children about anything and everything sexual. I have always wandered around naked in front of them. Never hidden my body or its natural functions. The toilet door was always open and questions were answered as and when they arose, hopefully in terms that were relevant to their age so they could grasp the concept without being frightened to death by the details.

It is my greatest regret that I have not been able to provide them with the best role model in terms of a proper tactile, loving relationship between their parents.

If having our children learn about sex in a scientific way from the earliest times can help to stop the sniggering, hole-in-corner, seaside postcard approach that prevails currently, then surely this is a good thing. As adults, we view anything relating to sex with such an immature, comedic attitude that it’s hardly surprising that there are children out there experimenting with intercourse at the age of 11 and getting pregnant before they are even 16. How can we expect them to come to us for advice as parents if we keep the subject firmly under the table at all times?

Yes, there will still be accidents. God knows, I am hardly going to start pontificating and pointing fingers but the information about what to do if the worst should happen should be readily available. The saddest thing I heard on the Newsbeat piece was the girl who had to be told what to do in terms of buying a pregnancy test and then going to her doctor or the nearest Marie Stopes/Brook Street by her local chemist because she was too frightened to go to her Mother and her friends didn’t have the knowledge to advise her when her period had not arrived and she was putting on weight.

I recall only too clearly a 14 year old girl I was at school with who got progressively fatter but refused to admit it could have anything to do with the sex she had had with one of the lads in our group. By the time her mother actually noticed that her trousers would no longer zip up, she was six months gone and she had no option but to continue and give birth. She kept the baby, married the father and they were miserable.

I also remember, at around the same time, one of the more promiscuous girls in my class telling me, whilst we were waiting in line to go into the gym, that she had had sex in the woods the previous evening but it was ok because she had done it standing up and had a wee behind a tree afterwards so she knew she wasn’t pregnant.

This was over 30 years ago but, listening to some of the tales today, it is quite clear that, in terms of sex education, the dissemination of knowledge has not progressed.

Anything that attempts to prevent us from continuing as a nation of judgemental, purse-lipped prudes with one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe has got to be a step in the right direction.

“Sometimes being a good parent is knowing when not to parent.  You have to step out of the way and let life happen to your kids.”  ‘Norah Walker’ from the first series of  ’Brothers and Sisters’

Oh, how this struck a chord with me.  We are so busy trying to protect them and yet sometimes we have to let them make their own mistakes and then supporting them as they try to work their way back onto the straight and narrow.  Learning as they go.  It is so hard and yet so important.

As parents, we spend time sitting with them helping with their homework and generally interacting with them in a way that our  own parents never would have.  Are we, by definition, thereby stopping them from gaining the necessary tools for independence?

By continually protecting them from the ‘bad things in life’, are we making it harder for them to deal with the dangers of the outside world?  Are we stopping them from learning how to deal with life’s rougher elements and unpleasantnesses?

I don’t have any of the answers.  I’m just asking the questions?

Many working mums and dads feel that work can take over, leaving you short of time for your family and yourself. At the other end of the spectrum, there are parents who would love to work and earn some money but can’t find an opportunity with the right hours to fit with the kids. Antonia Chitty has written a book, Family Friendly Working, which is packed with ideas for Family Friendly Working. Here are her top tips to help you find the right work life balance.

1. If you have a job already, do you know your rights to flexible working? This may be the best solution for you and your employer. You have the right to ask to change the hours you work, and the employer has to listen to your request. They get to benefit from a less stressed out employee too. You could ask to start and finish work earlier, or work fewer hours, or do more hours at some times of the year.

2. Why not turn your hobby into a business? This is not a way to get rich quick but plenty of women, and a few men, find that they can boost the family budget while doing something they enjoy. You may be an avid collector and want to turn your hand to selling as well as buying. If you are a crafty type, start selling your creations at local craft fairs or through online craft marketplaces like www.tuggle.co.uk.

3. Set up a service. You may have a skill that will allow you to go freelance, like web design. You could think about becoming a virtual assistant offering typing and admin services. Or, could you offer to do ironing, collect dry cleaning or wait in for deliveries for busy office workers. Think about what could fit into school hours, evenings or nap times.

4. Look into direct selling. Pick a product you like, and which will sell well in your local area. Check that there aren’t lots of reps competing for the same sales. To be a successful rep you need to look beyond family and friends, and make the most of opportunities to sell at groups and get people to hold parties for you.

5. Get some support. You aren’t the only person in this position. Join a women’s networking forum like giantpotential.ning.com or find support on a parenting forum. If you are starting your own business contact your local enterprise agency too.

See www.familyfriendlyworking.co.uk for more ideas and resources, and an extract of the Family Friendly Working book.

 When the kids were smaller, one of the things I hated most was trying to hack round the supermarket with the pair of them in tow. Far too stressful. As fast as I got one dressed to go out, the other would be removing clothing. Neither wanted to get into the double trolley and then neither would want to get out again. Once inside, my daughter could be kept quiet with food bribery but my son would only be pacified by Lego, which started to prove expensive.

My daughter would also actively disprove the theory that children are not affected by external influences on the television. I was informed that I shouldn’t tell her off for getting banana on her clothes because if I used Ariel, it would come out. She also insisted that we buy Kingsmill ‘because it was better bread’. She would have been about three at the time!

So I made use of the online delivery services. In those days, these were still quite new with various teething problems but the more reliable service was provided by Sainsburys with their mid-week special. If you spent over £50, you got free delivery on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.

If I wanted lots of very specific organic meat, I would order from the creme de la creme - as in Waitrose. One day, I told a friend that I was about to place an order and she asked me for a favour. Could I get her some organic tampons made by this one particular company and which were only stocked by Waitrose. ‘Sure,’ I replied. ‘No problem.’

When the delivery man arrived, he stood there with his clipboard listing the things that they hadn’t been able to deliver and these tampons were among them. As you can imagine, his little face was all pink and I was trying not to smirk as he told me that they couldn’t provide the organic tampons.

However, he was delighted to inform me that they had a substitute instead. I was immediately crestfallen at the prospect of a packet of Tampax but, no.

He handed me the bag with almost a flourish.

It contained…

… wait for it…

Two packets of something called Mr Majelka’s Magic Bendy Drinking Straws.

You know, the type that have the little hinge in about an inch down that bends to make sucking without spilling easier. I think there’s a possibility that you could bend them into shapes for parties as well but I couldn’t read the blurb on the box properly since my eyes had filled with tears because it was just too funny… the idea of trying to insert one of those instead of an absorbent tampon.

Taking one box out and looking at him quizzically I allowed him to examine it for himself, I can still see his face now - all red with discomfort and me, standing on my doorstep, shrieking with hysterical laughter. I was practically on my back with my legs in the air, I was that tickled.

I was so tempted to tell him I’d keep one box and report back on how effective they were.

Poor, poor man, by the time I’d stopped laughing, handed them back as being an unsuitable substitute and signed the forms, he was almost puce with embarrassment.

I was still chuckling as he drove away.

“What madness”” I can hear you shriek. “Why would I want to deliberately put my kids on a diet that’s full of junk?”

But this Rubbish Diet doesn’t offer your kids any old crud. Actually it’s the only rubbish diet from which they will come to benefit, learning positive things along the way and creating great foundations for the future.

The Rubbish Diet to which I refer is all about slimming your bin and reducing all the trash that ends up in landfill and that’s a great lesson to learn when children are young.

At the last count, the UK produced 22.6 millions of landfill waste in just one year. In the same period, Germany produced 10 million tonnes and that’s with a population that’s 25% larger than the UK. With the UK now creating the highest amount of landfill waste of all EU countries it is no surprise that our country is regarded as the “Dustbin of Europe.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t relish the thought of charging my children or even their children with the responsibility of sorting this out. Something can be done about it now and managed alongside regular family life.

As you know, if you’ve got children, waste follows naturally (and I am not just talking nappies). There are all the leftovers that end up in the bin as slops, not to mention packaging from toys, as well as toys that break easily and are quickly discarded. It all amounts to way too much, especially where food waste is concerned. According to the website www.lovefoodhatewaste.com one third of food is thrown away, which is a shocking statistic, representing a terrible waste of money and I have most certainly contributed to this very big problem.

So I have decided to put my money where my mouth is and have recently signed up to our local council’s Zero Waste Challenge and boy, it is a challenge. During the week 10th-17th March, the aim is to reduce our household landfill waste to nothing…yep, nothing!

Our family started out with 2-3 50litre bags of waste, which amounts to around 100-150 cubic litres of trash being sent to landfill every two weeks.

As a result of changing some simple habits over the last few weeks and discovering some fantastic waste reduction techniques, we have already reduced our impact on landfill by 50%.

Can you imagine if everyone did that! The beauty is that many people could do so much more. I am now hoping that my next “weigh-in” will see another major reduction.

So if you want to try to slim your own bin, one of the best ways is to engage your children from the very beginning. Let them be ambassadors of Zero Waste and do some of the hard work for you. If they need encouragement to get started, you could use a reward chart which come relevant treats.

Once you’ve got the buy-in from the little people, aside from the obvious tips such as using washable nappies, here are a few things that you could try.

Teach them the “Three Rs”

Your children will love this.

There is a great track by Jack Johnson, which is included on the Curious George Soundtrack Album. He sings about the Three Rs: Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.

The song will probably get them dancing around the room and as they do so they will pick up a very important message that recycling should be the very last solution to waste management.

Click here to listen

Shopping with waste in mind

While out shopping, ask your children to look for alternative products that help reduce your packaging.

Give them the task of being bag monitors, making sure that they take along the reusable bags for you to use instead of using free carrier bags at the checkout.

Cooking with waste in mind

I know it’s risky, but ask your children what they like to eat. Be trustful that they will include some healthy options and feed them what they eat (with due caution to ensure a healthy diet).

We all know that children can be fickle eaters, so try reducing their portions so that don’t leave so much on the plate.

No-Waste Packed Lunches

If your child has packed lunches, make sure that you pack the food in reusable containers. Try to avoid cling-film, which can only be binned and sent to landfill. At least tin foil can be washed and recycled.

Reducing Food Waste through Composting

If tackling food portions doesn’t resolve things, there are options out there to manage the food waste without sending it to landfill.

A simple compost bin will take vegetable peelings and fruit waste. If your problem is more than that and you are discarding pasta, rice or cooked foods, invest in a wormery, as worms just love to munch on our vegetarian waste food. Worms also provide great entertainment for some children, but be warned if your kids are the slightest bit squeamish as you’ll have to feed them yourself.

However, if you regularly throw away cooked meat or fish you can’t use a wormery for this and you will need to consider alternative options, such as a Bokashi kitchen composter. This is great for all food waste as you simply drop the scraps into what looks like a pedal bin and then cover it with a layer of bran that has been injected with Micro-organisms. Keep layering in this way and when the bin is full, you just leave it for a couple of weeks to ferment down. The end product can be placed in the wormery, compost bin or even dug into the garden.

There is also another composting system, which is called a Green Cone, which is installed into the garden and can accept most forms of food waste, including meat products. It can even be used to dispose of pet waste.

Buying gifts with waste in mind

If you are buying presents for birthday parties etc, look out for toys that have very little packaging. There are so many items in the shops that are over-packaged. If you choose books as presents, what could be better as there’s no packaging involved at all.

Get your school involved

If you are enthusiastic about reducing landfill waste, you’ll be able to share your enthusiasm with your school and get the children involved in challenges for Healthy Schools or Eco Schools initiatives.

Our local primary school is supporting the local Zero Waste Week campaign. We are currently planning a sponsored Zero Waste lunch. All funds raised will be directed towards sustainable products such as wormeries, which have both practical and educational value.

If the concept of The Rubbish Diet has encouraged you to think about what your family can do to slim down your own bins, I would love to hear from you. Even better, it would be wonderful if you could inspire others out there to do the same.
Any comments or queries can be emailed to enquiries@therubbishdiet.co.uk

Karen Cannard is the author of The Rubbish Diet blog. Follow her progress to see if she can slim her bin in time for her local Zero Waste Week which starts on 10 March 2008. www.therubbishdiet.blogspot.com. All hints and tips from those with more experience will be gratefully received.

In so many families, there seems to be a vicious circle as each girl child swears to herself and to her mother: ‘I will never be like you…’ and despairingly watches and hears herself becoming that person, despite her best efforts to the contrary.

I grew up watching my father, however unknowingly, disrespect my mother, my father-in-law doing the same to my mother-in-law and my husband to me. None of these men found it easy to show affection or appreciate their wives in terms of their appearance or the love they were given without return. In their search for the straight man/the stooge who would make them look like the life and soul of the party, they thoughtlessly demeaned their female counterpart in the eyes of their audience of children, particularly the girls. The boys instinctively retain their protective feelings for their mothers, even when they are pulled away by their future wives. But the girls…

Do I just feel this through my own jaundiced experience of three women? Or are things better for the women who bring up female offspring without the interference/disrespectful example of a male partner?

I do know several couples where the women are the driving force of the pair. Where the male adores his strong woman. Whilst he provides the money to run the home and then enforces her rule where necessary, he enjoys being pampered and cared for and makes those feelings clear. He compliments her and shows his affection openly and she responds in kind. These are the strongest partnerships that I have come across. They complement each other. There is an almost palpable synergy between them. Yes, they have their spats, but then the joy of the rapprochement is eagerly awaited.

My own daughter recently subjected me to a 20 minute tirade, shouting vitriol viciously over the top of my own attempts to calm her. Apparently I am a sad old woman nearing 50 who spends all her time on the computer, who should get a life. Whilst, almost in the same breath, she accuses me of never being at home. It would seem that laundry, housework, cooking and shopping constitute the bare minimum obligatory requirements of motherhood and she completely overlooks the 12 years that I spent at home totally devoted to her and her brother. I am a shrieking banshee who only ever shouts at them.

When I try to point out that the shouting tends to come when I have asked politely and respectfully for the same task to be completed three or four times earlier, this thought is pooh-poohed with the distraction technique of reminding me that respect has to be earned and that if I stopped shouting at her, she would stop shouting at me.

It is so hard to listen to a catalogue of obscenity-ridden invective without chucking some back but, always at the forefront of my mind, is the concern that anything nasty I might say now could come back and bite her on the bum in terms of psychological disorder in the future. So I hold my tongue and when she gets out of the car, I allow the seat to go flat and sob at my inadequacies for the majority of the hour that I am waiting in the cold darkness, whilst she has her music lesson, before driving her home again. She, of course, seems to have conveniently forgotten all the nasty phrases she used only minutes before and behaves as if everything is normal.

The terrible thing is that I do have a choice. And the decision over that choice becomes easier and easier when the reasons for which I stay become less and less obvious.

Several hours later, she did at least have the grace to come and apologise which is something of a first. But these altercations seem to be coming more and more frequently, despite my attempts to acquiesce to all her demands for independence and I am at a loss as to how to do things differently without it looking as if I do not care for her safety at all.

All I ever wanted was to have the kind of relationship where we would enjoy going shopping and stopping for coffee - something I never had with my own mother and watched other friends enviously who did.

I talked to my own mother only a few days ago. I told her that I had forgiven her for leaving us. Knowing what I have to deal with from just one teenage girl, I remember that she had two obnoxious hussies plus a disrespectful husband to contend with. No wonder she left when someone showed her some affection, gave her some sense of value.

She told me that she had decided when we were quite small that she would leave my father as soon as we were old enough and get herself a little flat and an alternative future. When she revealed this fact to my dad during an argument, his reply of ‘Who would have you?’ did a great deal to destroy what little self-respect she had left, but also galvanised her into a more determined desire to follow her threat through. However, she said that didn’t stop her from being very sad to have to leave her children behind when she started a new life in a new town with a new man.

But I am not my mother. I believe I have learned from her mistakes although I am, by no means, the perfect example of motherhood. However, I have tried to be the antithesis of the cold, tired, screeching maternal figure I remember. I have been extremely tactile with my children to the extent that, now she considers herself too grown up to snuggle with her mum, I will stand on my teenage daughter’s foot in order to make her stand still and have a cuddle, however unwillingly. I believe it is important to retain that ability to hug your children, no matter how reluctant the hugee.

My own mother tries to embrace me now when she feels the need for some affection but it is so hard to forget her desertion and the fact that she couldn’t or wouldn’t indulge in this behaviour when we were younger. I am the equivalent of my own teenager in those situations - rigid with embarrassment and uncertain how to respond. We have lost the intimacy for this type of closeness. If only my mother could make a joke or stand on my foot to lighten the uncomfortable moment, but she is a product of her own mother’s inability to show her even the smallest amount of tactile or verbal love. It is so sad.

I was talking to another friend who had suddenly found herself faced with choices similar to those that her mother had had to make 30 years before and for which she has bitterly resented her for years.

Suddenly, I start to wonder if sometimes what goes around, comes around and we are put in positions that are similar to those of our mothers in order that we can learn to at least understand their actions… if not to forgive.

This was an interview I did in 2006 when I had an acute interest in women who started their own businesses after becoming a mother. I still think it’s as interesting today as it was then and feel it deserves another outing here at British Parent Bloggers. If you have a post on blogging or parenting that you think deserves a second shot with a new audience please email me at erica.littlemummy@googlemail.com.

Helen runs her own business ‘Helen Broadhead’s Designs’ at www.helenbroadhead.co.uk, where she designs and paints childrens furniture. Here I have asked her some questions about her business in the hope that we can all gain a better idea of what it’s like to run your own business.

How did you come up with the idea for your business?

A friend asked me if I could paint a toy box for them in a design to match their childs bedroom, I was only 16 at the time, but gave it a go and it worked fantastic. Nothing more came of this at the time. I continued to study at school and then went onto study at college and university. After leaving university I was at a loss of what to do. I tried many jobs, managerial and other and it wasn’t for me. This was when I decided I would own my own business and its just gone from there. I created my own website at first, but soon discovered this wasn’t ample for my business and had one designed for me. I’ve never looked back since, my business has gone from strength to strength.

What was your main motivation for starting your own business?

I was at a loss with jobs, I knew I didnt like working for other people and then got pregnant. These all combined were enough to push me into doing this. I had no knowledge of running my own business, but I knew this was right for me. I didn’t want to have to return to work after I had my baby and to have to rely on childcare, this wasnt an option for us.

Did you need to raise any finance to start your business?

I didn’t raise any finance, I started with absolutely nothing. It was very hard at first as very penny I earned went back into the business, also my partners income was funding it too. Slowly as things progressed it became a little easier. My business is proof it can be done with no money to begin with!

How many hours a week do you spend running (creating for) your business?

Most of my time is taken up with running the business. I work extremely long hours and it is hard work, however it is very rewarding and I feel worth it in the end. I have no spare time with looking after a baby and running the business, but its something I love.

What strengths do you think it takes to run a successful business?

I believe you have to be very commited and it takes an awful lot of strength and willpower. You need to be commited as, in effect it will take over your life to begin with, it is a constant battle to become established and this takes time. You have to be strong to fight through all the negativity and knock backs to begin with. If you can fight through this, your business will grow and grow.

Have you done any courses or learning programmes with regard to your
business?

Apart from studying art and design at university I have had no formal training or qualifications. There are lots of accounts and business courses out there, business link is a good place to start, but I decided to start from scratch knowing nothing and learn as I progressed. I basically taught myself!

What does your typical day consist of?

A typical day consists of making sure the children are ready to begin with, I then check my emails as these easily build up and become overpowering. I then do some painting in between playing and looking after my son. After tea is when I really begin to work. I will then paint and work until at least midnight to catch up on the time lost during the day. At busier periods I will be up early too - before the children to catch up on work. At weekends I spend a full days working as my partner is home to look after the children.

Do you have any advice for mums or dads considering starting their own business?

Be strong, if things look bleek to begin with, fight through this and continue, things will become brighter and you will see the light as you continue to work at your business. Its always harder to start with - maybe the first year or so.

You can visit Helen at www.helenbroadhead.co.uk

I have been reading a manual called ‘You Want to do What?’ by Karen Sullivan. 

The front cover claims that this book will give you ‘Instant answers to your parenting dilemmas’.

It was very interesting…

I didn’t read it in any particular order, just dipping into the various subject headings as they took my fancy and, not long after I’d got it, I left the bright yellow paperback lying on my bed. 

A few hours later, my 13-year-old son came in to the room where I was on the computer looking shocked.  He was holding the book open on the offending page and announced: ‘Mum, what are you doing reading a book with a whole section about masturbation?!!’

I hardly looked up from my computer screen as I replied: ‘Well, why not?  It’s a perfectly natural function and one which you shouldn’t be ashamed of.  Just don’t get a crusty carpet.’

His look of shock morphed into one of perplexed confusion.  A friend of ours had teenage boys and so I explained that ‘… if you let the stuff that comes out land on the floor, it makes the carpet stick together in a crispy patch so please try to catch it in a tissue.’

He asked further questions about girls and masturbation and I tried to remain just as matter of fact about it being a perfectly normal but private moment for both sexes and he seemed content with this.

When I checked with the book later that evening, I think I pretty much did as it advised.  Emphasising that it was perfectly natural when done in the privacy of their own room but not really any of my business.

A couple of weeks later, my 17-year-old daughter also asked me about the book.  She had read through several chapters and her view was that it appeared as if the author had never actually been a teenager.

Keeping both those two exchanges at the back of my mind as I perused the book over the following weeks, my overriding impression was that it was all very sensible theoretical advice but I have to admit that sometimes I did wonder whether they had actually had to deal with a real life stroppy, hormone-driven, completely unreasonable teenager.  Or, more to the point, one who was actually related to them and could use everything they had ever said as leverage/blackmail against their so reasonable assertions and arguments.  

I read in an article recently that the various parts of a teenager’s brain develop at different speeds and, whilst the parts that arouse them emotionally and make them pay attention to peer pressure are on full throttle, the frontal lobes which control impulses and resistance to peer pressure are still developing.  They are totally unable to see the link between behaviour and consequence. The article said that an eminent psychologist professor had described the teenage brain as being like a car with a good accelerator but a bad brake.  As a parent, this is a crucial factor to remember.

In its favour, the book did give me several pointers that I had not considered in a few areas and also flagged up possible problems that I had not envisaged having to deal with.  Certainly a book to read well before the problems rear their ugly heads so that you have some form of stance formulated in your mind for when/if it does. 

The introduction was particularly informative.  It covered all the different styles of parenting and the possible consequences on those children.  It also dealt with things that we all fear - that our kids are just growing up too damn fast and seem to have no patience or respect for anything or anyone.  The section on what children are legally permitted to do at what age was very helpful.

It really does seem to cover every eventuality to which your child could be exposed - dealing with different religious beliefs, sexuality, behaviour, morals, hygiene - and gives clear, concise and helpful guidance on how to respond in these areas.  When my children were younger, I would have been grateful for some of the advice given.

But just bear in mind what I said earlier.  In a lot of situations, your own teenager will not be rational or coherent with you in the way they might be with an independent adult like a counsellor.  They may not respond to you in a calm or adult fashion.  They indulge in circular arguments, shift away from any form of blame taking and try to push it elsewhere.  It’s like walking in quicksand trying to get to the bottom of a lot of problems because they specialise in distraction techniques away from the original point of the discussion.  And when they turn round and throw invective-filled hatred at your own shortcomings at you as reasons why they are behaving the way they are… well, that can really take the wind out of your sails in terms of both being reasonable and balanced and I don’t think any book can fully prepare you for the shock of that… every time it happens.

So, as a parent, I would definitely recommend reading it to get a balanced perspective on the situations you may have to deal with over the first twenty or so years of your child’s life and suggested ways of dealing with them but with the previous words of caution about the differences between practical and theory.

The reality of Christmas Day often does not live up to our high expectations and the Christmas we remembered as children when it all seemed exciting, stress-free, money was no concern and all we had to think about was whether we would get every single present we had asked for. 

It would be nice if Christmas Day was exactly as it would be if it were a Disney film – the family gathers together to celebrate the festive season in total peace and harmony, everyone gets along well, there are no arguments, everyone shares the chores and it is a relaxing and enjoyable time. All the children get the presents they want and are extremely grateful and highly appreciative. In fact they start on their thank you letters straight away! None of their new expensive toys get broken or arrive without batteries, and no-one is bored an hour after they have all been opened. 

But Christmas is rarely like that, especially when families are thrown together for long periods yet they have not seen each other all year, often through choice! Where step-families are involved it gets even more complicated and again when both sets of in-laws want you to be with them on Christmas Day. Then there are divorced parents where Dad buys an expensive present that Mum neither approves of or can afford.  

By Christmas morning children are often over-excited and over-tired. The Christmas celebrations have been building up in their schools and nurseries since October. (My daughter started rehearsing her Christmas play in September). If they are not over-tired then children are hyper-active having consumed an entire chocolate selection box before Christmas dinner is even in the oven. 

Then there’s the dinner itself and something always goes wrong. Something is forgotten, something is burnt, and someone always seems to notice. Or worse still there’s a guest who fails to tell you they are vegetarian until the turkey is on the table, and even the vegetables have been doused in animal fat. So it’s bread and Vegemite or nothing! 

And then of course there’s the washing up and the arguments over who is going to do it, and who can’t do it because they have fallen asleep in the chair despite the fact they have done nothing to help in any of the preparations. And there’s always someone who has had one glass of sherry too many and who you would like to fall asleep in the chair but who instead is creating even more tension by reminding everyone about embarrassing incidents we would all rather forget (usually relating to the previous Christmas!) 

Even before the big day arrives tensions can be running high: some friend has taken offence because you haven’t sent them a Christmas card, presents that have been bought months in advance are now half price, and then an unexpected bill arrives on Christmas Eve, and to make matters worse it isn’t the credit card bill. That is bound to arrive a nine o’clock sharp as soon as the world is up and running again on January 2^nd. 

But it’s not all bad. The children are happy, the atmosphere on the whole is good, and you have only gained half a stone in weight. It could be worse!
Parentlineplus.org.uk offer the following Christmas survival tips:

Get together and write a list of what everyone wants to do – decide what is really important, and if possible prioritise.
Make a list of who needs to see who – particularly important with extended stepfamilies.
Use a calendar - make a note of which family members are doing what and when.
Schedule in some time to recharge your own batteries - if you’re well rested you’ll be able to enjoy your family more.
Don’t try and do everything yourself - make a list of jobs which need to be done and allocate them between the whole family.
Don’t try and keep everyone happy all the time - you’ll collapse under the pressure.
If this is your first Christmas as a stepfamily your child may feel confused and maybe even angry – try to allocate some time that you can spend alone together to reassure them that your love for them has not changed.

Adults don’t have to enjoy being with children all the time - allow some time for you to be alone with your partner, other family members or friends.

Don’t assume that everyone else is having a wonderful time – everyone else is muddling through just like you, so try not to put pressure on yourself.

Don’t act in anger – if everything gets too much remove yourself from the situation and perhaps call a friend or relative.